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What's a king without a queen?

I believe in allowing my man to be the king of his castle, but I also have to remind him that I’m the queen of the castle. There’s no king without a queen. I’m not saying that I expect something every time I give something or not even tip for tap, but to me it’s important that I show a healthy role of a mother and a woman for my daughter as well as my sons. Kids are looking without really looking, and they are learning what you are teaching – whether you are aware of it or not.

I think it’s especially important these days to make sure that our young people know that. Honestly, some of us ‘seasoned’ people need some training in that area as well. One thing we can’t expect is for society to exercise a good model for our children. I don’t know how anyone else feels, but you know I’m going to tell you how I feel… I believe that women have been given an unfair task of being all that a man wants her to be at any cost. What do I mean about that? Well, for starters as far back as the 1800’s men have had an unwritten rule that they can do anything they want because they are men. Still to this day, I get so sick and tired of hearing what will drive a man away, what he needs and what happens if he doesn’t get it.

For example, I bet you’ve heard these things – some if not all:

If you don’t someone else will.

A man hates to have a complaining woman.

Men don’t show their emotions like women do.

A man needs a place to lay his head.

You can run a man off if…

Give him his space.

A man doesn’t like to talk as much as a woman.

A man doesn’t like when a woman gains weight.

A man doesn’t want a woman who wears a lot of make-up.

A man needs honor and respect.

A man needs to be needed.

He’s just being a man.

A man needs sex.

As I hear those things from people of all backgrounds and many walks of life, I shake my head and say, “This is what’s wrong with our society today. One of the things anyway.”

The list goes on and on, and I just wonder who came up with these things? I often say to my husband that I must have a little man in me because I want and need the same things on this list, but I guess I can’t ask for them because I’m a woman. If I do, I might be complaining. Right? Only a couple of the things don’t fit me obviously because they are talking about a man not wanting a woman who wears a lot of make-up, fake things – such as hair, nails, etc., and the other obvious things; but you get the picture.

I started thinking about what I constantly hear and I thought, ‘Could this be why our girls think they have to live to please a man?’ Are they starting that behavior with boys at an early age – trying to please them and not lose them? Are they giving them what they want and not complaining? Well, it has been said over and over that we complain. Why is it complaining when we want to express ourselves? I know that some of us might be guilty of complaining, but I’ve heard it described enough to know that the definition of complaint is really a simple disagreement. Sometimes it’s frustration from asking them to do something over and over and if they don’t do it and we as women continue to ask it’s called a complaint. That’s not fair!

You know the craziest thing is, men will leave one nest of a so-called complainer and go fool around with another woman. Isn’t that crazy? Did he not know that she is a woman too, and if all women are the same, why do they cowardly tuck their tail and go to another complainer? Ooh ooh I know! (Raising my hand like a kindergartner wanting to answer the question). It’s because the other woman tells him all that he wants to hear because she too knows that it has been said that women do this, that and the other, and she will try her darnest not to let him see that she is just like that. She hasn’t shown him that side because it’s hard to show anger or frustration when you don’t share kids, money, bills or any other real life issue. I wouldn’t complain either if I didn’t need anything from a guy except a good time!

Hold on a minute while I step off of this big soap box.

Whew! Okay. I’m back.

Now. What makes them think that a woman doesn’t need to be honored, respected and feel important? Huh? Isn’t that what any human being want? What about sex? I don’t know where the myth comes from that men want sex – and women don’t? Who said that? Majority of us aren’t doggish to get it at any cost or means, but it doesn’t mean we don’t want it. Here’s another thing that the myth of men always wanting sex created. What if that man doesn’t show that he wants sex with the woman he is with because of reasons of being older and not functioning right, or maybe he’s sick and can’t perform? Well, now if that man isn’t the typical man that everybody says want sex all the time, then he begins to think something is wrong with his wife. Well, he doesn’t seem to want sex, so it must be her! Right? You know pride will make him think that he must not be feeling a tingle because his wife isn’t doing it for him, because after all, he has heard that he’s a man and has to have it and wants it all the time. Then the woman starts to feel that something is wrong with her because he’s not acting like they say men should act. Then here comes someone new and now their man parts seem to be working (it’s someone new stupid), because it’s feeling a little tingle, and now their thoughts are real (fantasy). It must have been the wife because he hasn’t felt like that in a long time. I know what you mean because I feel that same way when I sit in a brand new car! LMBO. I’m not being totally sarcastic – I’m just being real. Something that we don’t experience enough of. If someone would sit and talk like this, maybe the men would take a trip to the doctor to see what’s going on with them, or better yet, talk to God and see what’s going on in that heart and head of theirs.

You see? It’s just crazy teaching that we have been taught, and it’s tearing up our relationships and giving our girls and young women a FALSE perception of who they are, how they should be and who they should serve. That’s wrong!

We’re (women) not asking for a man to sit and cry more than we do, but I think it’s teaching little boys wrong when we say that boys don’t cry. Yes, they do! They cry even if it’s inside, but the pain is still there and unfortunately it comes out when it shouldn’t – if ever. Either way is dangerous.

Gaining weight? Did it ever occur to them that they don’t have their high school football player body anymore either! What are those? Used-to-be muscles? Where are those abs? Look, I am not talking about men because I think that was a genius creation. I’m just saying that we are not blinded to changes, we just love our guys the same and understand that perfection is superficial overall. Now there’s some hot guys with gym-tastic bodies, but oh well!

If you don’t somebody else will line is so old and used up and it is down-right degrading. Oh, I’ve used it before (told you I have a little man in me too), but it’s ugly. It’s a threat and shouldn’t be used. Men (as I’ve seen studies) have many more choices than women because of the prison system and death rates, but it doesn’t mean that a woman can’t get anyone else either. Women make it even easier for a man to not have the pressure of doing right at home because many of them will help him betray you. We can do things like that sometimes. We help them talk about what his wife or girlfriend isn’t doing and what she should be doing, instead of helping him understand the woman he is with – since he’s coming to us anyway. I know that he should really be talking to God, but not everybody knows that right off hand. They will have to learn like those of us who have already learned.

I’m sure some women need space too, but she doesn’t whine about needing it. Now, not all of us need that space, because honestly, I’m good without the space. It doesn’t bother me, but I know some women who desperately needs their space. (I guess they have a little man in them too).

Men complain too – they just call it something else. Yep! They do!

I think a woman needs honor and respect way more than she allows herself to believe. When a woman feels honored, secured and safe…that woman won’t go anywhere. Listen, I’m not talking about ALL women or men, I’m talking in general. I just know that most women who love a man and is with them they have their back – period. They are in for the long haul. They are there through thick and thin, rich or poor and ED (erectile dysfunction) in all.

A woman can be run off too. She too can be home physically but not emotionally. She too can be at home and her heart somewhere else.

Ladies, I’m not trying to tell anything, it’s just time that we stop allowing me to have excuses and stop believing that we don’t have needs too.

Now I’m about to drop this mic and step off this box again.

xoxo – Talk soon!

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