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No Strings Attached

Well, well, well…

Yesterday I heard that June was considered the casual sex month. I was like WTW! Oh no, it gets better. The doctor who I heard talking about it on television wasn’t the person who came up with this. I don’t know where she said she heard it from, but she was sharing it like I’m sharing it with you. Look, I can’t judge people for doing what they do. I’m trying to keep my own life in order, but I sure can give my opinion, and I’m good at that. I’ll remind you something about me and my opinion, I use discretion and discernment when talking to people, so most of the times unless you are a client of mine or someone who asks for my opinion…. I keep it to myself until I get to a computer or my notepad on my phone! Now, with that being said, let’s get back to June being casual sex month. Not officially, but the month that they say more hook-ups and one-night stands take place.

There were several reasons they said it takes place, but I tell you, those reasons didn’t hold a lot of weight for me and I forgot most of them, but I’m planning to say what I think about that anyway!

It has been said that people hook up and have casual sex because it’s that freedom of expression that they get to have, and people most likely will do things with a hook-up that they wouldn’t feel comfortable doing with someone they know. They said it’s harder to face someone the next day that you’ve done God knows what with, so that’s why it’s easier to have a one-night stand. If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, I always thought of casual sex and a one-night stand being slightly different. I stand to be wrong, and the more I think about it, it depends on how you look at it. Casual sex is casual and doesn’t necessarily say that you know that person. A one-night stand (in my opinion is that you just met ole boy or girl and you barely know their name). I always looked at casual sex is like two people who are friends or acquainted with one another having sex on a ‘as desired’ basis. So again, it’s all in how you look at the terms and to what depth you want to go in.

I don’t know about you, but when I hear someone say they wouldn’t want to look at someone in the face the next day that they have just went wild and out with, I think of it as being ANYTHING GOES AND NOTHING IS TOO FAR. I mean, what else would you do that would make you feel so embarrassed? To me, that means you went below the belt, in the belt and under the belt. What the what? (WTW) I would much rather look someone in the face that I know and know well than to have the fear of what I did and who I did it to – I don’t know! Hardly anyone knows the medical record number and have seen the chart of their potential partner or their partner, but I would feel more comfortable knowing that I’ve at least seen the person that I went wild with and they haven’t had outward symptoms of being infected. The main reason I say what I am saying is because I just feel that things that are done that have no limits shouldn’t be done with a one-night stand. That right there tells me that the mind is in the wrong place when a perfect stranger can turn a person out and they think that sex can’t get any better than that. Really and truly it was just that – sex! It was someone trying their best to perform at the best level possible to impress the other person. I don’t really care about one night of impression. It’s not that serious! If it’s all that, then I would like for that person to see me more than just a good screw!

My next thought/question is: how do a person feel more comfortable putting your effort into someone you don’t know than a person you can create a relationship with? Actually, I want to say a life with, but I’m not so closed mind to think that everybody who have sex is seeking a mate. That’s ideal – but not our reality in the world today. We’re working on that. The more we talk about how beautiful it is to be in a committed marriage, the more people would stop running from the alter and saying I Do in the eyes of God and before family and friends.

The last thing I remember hearing was the doctor who was giving the interview stated something like, she wishes that married couples would do more sexually and be more creative. I understand why she said that because from what we see and hear on reality TV, on the web, social media and anywhere you look around, we hear people thinking that they can’t do certain things sexually in their marriage, but will do everything with a ‘one-night stander.’ Are you freaking kidding me? That’s where you can just get buck wild crazy! I mean, really! Look, as I said, I’ve heard men say (to me) that they don’t feel comfortable asking their wife to do certain things to them or with them in bed. When I asked why they didn’t feel comfortable, I would hear everything from how she looks at him when he asks - to who do you think I am. Well, I would tell that woman that “he thinks you’re his wife and that’s probably why he feels that he can ask; and if he can’t then the problem is much deeper.” I believe the problems that are deeper can be childhood trauma, negative talk and thoughts about sex, something happening to her as a young woman or a girl. It can be many things, but I don’t think that we should just look over something as important as this and just say, “Well, if she won’t someone else will.” Believe me, I know that phrase all too well. I can recall being stupid enough to say it too. Is it true? Yes. Should it be that way? No! We as women shouldn’t pick up the tab that’s left on the table. (And I’m not talking about a restaurant bill either).

If the truth about sex and how much deeper it goes than just two people getting together intertwining and entertaining one another, is told maybe we can change the minds of the next generation and how they see ‘casual sex.’ There’s nothing casual about getting as close as two people can possibly and humanly get with one another. There’s nothing casual about becoming one with someone physically and emotionally, but most of all spiritually. There is so much more to sex than just sex. It’s a commitment even if it’s for a moment. It’s committing two bodies together with their genitals.

If a man is worried that his wife might think that he is a freak or ‘out there’ then he should just ask! Asking her how she feels about a position or an act before getting into the moment would be far better than just assuming, and eventually making an excuse to go elsewhere. If and I do mean IF a man is asking a woman to bring someone else into the bedroom (threesome) or use toys that she isn’t comfortable with or whatever it may be that she doesn’t feel morally respected to do. TALK. By all means, have a conversation. Communication goes a long way – if not all the way. Women and men see things differently. What a man thinks about a certain situation, a woman 9.9 times out of 10 will see it differently…so talk!

I know I kind of went from casual sex to a married couple doing any and everything, but believe it or not – they go hand in hand; because that has been the excuse for many men when they decide to step out. It has been the excuse for many women who hook up for one-night stands also. They like to think they are providing something that the man can’t get anywhere else – with no strings attached. Newsflash – they are more than attached—even if he doesn’t remember you the next morning.

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