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Friends with Benefits

Why buy the car when you can drive it when you want and it comes maintenance free? You’re not responsible for the inspection, registration, insurance or keeping it cleaned and washed. I think the example of driving a car that you don’t have to keep up or pay for is better than the old phrase that stated, “Why buy the cow when the milk is free?” Same concept, but I think sometimes when we hear clichés and phrases that are old, we tend to lose the impact of the meaning. I couldn’t afford to allow that to happen this time because I really want to touch your heart and urge you to think about what I’m saying.

Well, here goes…

I’m not going to say that every woman wants a steady relationship or wants to get married because that’s not a fair assumption to make. We’re not all on the same level of thinking and we definitely don’t want the same thing(s) in life. What I would feel safe saying is that in my opinion, I don’t think there would be as many women as there are, who would allow themselves to be used as a friend with benefit if they were confident in themselves. Confidence goes much deeper than being able to show your body, or feel that you look good. Nooo, it is about feeling good about who you are – period. It’s about knowing that you are more valuable than any jewel that has ever been made. I don’t think a woman would let a man who had no plan at all to make her his wife. Even if it’s not the wife level she’s looking for, but at least a commitment. I believe if we as women would be brutally honest with ourselves, we would say what we really want and not what men want to hear. I know what it’s like to hear the applauses and praises of men when they think that you’re a woman who isn’t afraid of sexual expression and isn’t afraid of doing whatever it takes (so to speak). What woman would be okay with being called up for quick pleasurable moment and then be sent on her way. I know this sounds harsh, but it’s really what it is. I have heard many women say that after a while it gets old to have to get up and let a man out (I know, it sounds like you’re letting your dog out to potty, but that’s not what I meant). LOL I mean letting him out as in getting up and locking your door when he leaves at 3am—either to get home to his wife, or to just go home. There’s no commitment. Right? I didn’t say it – they did! I’m just describing what friends with benefits really is.

Most women with a desire to be with the opposite sex, would like to have more than a guy who shows up when it’s convenient for them. The women that I know have talked about being with someone but they can’t take them to a family picnic, company function, banquet or any public function. It kind of suck for a woman to be able to call up someone to sleep with, but she has to hang out with the single girlfriends on weekends because he’s not available. He’s not wanting sex, but he’ll say, “Call me when you get through hanging out with your girls and I’ll come over.” That’s when you want to give that Scooby-Doo sound – Hunh? You have to be over 35 probably to understand what that sounds like. Scooby would make that sound that stands for WTW when Shaggy would ask him to do something that he didn’t want to do or something that he was afraid to do. LOL

Anyway, if we stop letting the car be driven off the lot without going to the finance office, and brought back empty and all dirty with trash in the floor and stains on the seat, we as women would get more respect than we are getting. I mean, for real! Be truthful with yourself. Be honest and not settle for what does not make you happy! Happiness is not sharing one of the most precious parts of you with someone who wants nothing else from you. If settling wasn’t the word to use, then we won’t have many clients buying adult toys. I’m not saying that married couples don’t buy them, because we do; but I’m saying if there’s so much happiness and you can cash in on your ‘benefits’ at any time, then why so many toys? If it’s really just for your pleasure, then I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to those of us who are willing to be authentic with ourselves.

Here’s a heartbreaking visual for you: when the car comes along that he wants and can’t drive…he’s going to purchase it. Yep! Then, the question comes to mind even if you don’t share it with anyone else… “What’s wrong with me?” Then that’s where the anger and the baggage claim area of your life starts getting full. Now all men are dogs and they only want one thing. That’s what we start telling ourselves because we never made that guy or guys commit. If they’re not ready for a commitment, then it’s okay. No one wants to twist their arm to make them commit, but I tell you what, if you say no and mean it – you’ll see how much of a friend he really is. I bet you’d be surprised how long the friendship lasts after saying no to the benefit. A real friend will be with you and there for you even if you decide to go with someone who would commit to more than just a friends with benefits relationship.

Okay, well let’s talk about the friends who aren’t committed to anyone else (not married), but still choose to just have sex and go about their merry way. Okay, so I still say that I believe that the majority of those women and a handful of men are settling for that behavior. If they weren’t settling, they wouldn’t talk about it!

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