After having numerous conversations with my girls, we discussed the do’s and don’ts of friendships. We kept thinking of some kind of code of ethic that just says, “No! Off limits!” I blurted out, Code Pink and so it was born.
If you have ever worked in retail or any other establishment that a special code was used for the 'employees only' or a code that only a select few people used to communicate a problem, then you will understand 'the code'. I have been in Walmart when I’ve heard, a “Code Adam, or Code Blue. I worked at K-mart years ago and we had codes for someone trying to walk out of the store with unpaid items to simple codes that cued a manager that a cashier needed more change for his or her till. Anyway, you get the picture.
In Code Pink, if your friend has ever had any dealings with a guy, he should be off limits for you. I don’t care if that friend is now married or still single, he’s still off limits. I know I might sound as if I’m contradicting myself right here, but I will explain deeper in later paragraphs. I have seen people have beautiful relationships with someone whom their friend or sister has dated before, but I wouldn’t want to be a part of that broken circle. I believe that once he was attracted to her, he will always have that same attraction. The same thing he liked before, he will still like. Not that he will act upon it, but I believe it will always exist. I know I don’t want to be with anyone that I know has had an attraction to my sister or my friend. During our conversation, I brought up the incident from Soul Food, where Vivica took Vanessa’s boyfriend and later married him. Yes, they got married and had children together but that doesn’t make it right. It definitely doesn’t mean that it was “meant to be.” They made it be! We have it bad by thinking that something is meant to be because it happened a certain way and turned out good. There are too many other prospects than to go after one that my sister is already dating. But check this out, as Vivica’s (Max) present husband on the show was consoling Vanessa (Terri), you could see the comfort and feelings that each of them still had for one another. I believe the way the director allowed that brief scene in the movie was to point those feelings out to those of us who noticed.
Sometimes guys will try you and see where your head is by complimenting you and hitting on you in subtle ways to see how far you will let them go. It is up to you as the woman (men you too) to put that person in their place and openly make it known to them that you’re not that kind of friend. I’ve learned that you don’t have to make a big deal out of it and cause trouble between him (the pursuer), her (your friend) and anyone else involved. You can handle it and everyone will remain happy. I don’t believe in hiding anything important from a friend, but 9 out of 10 times, you don’t mean anything to him, and he definitely doesn’t mean anything to you, he just wanted what he wanted and that was it. He was only trying to see if you would sell yourself short by giving in because he knows as well as you know that the possibility of a relationship is zero. Believe me; that man will develop a grave respect for you being the woman that you are and standing up for what is right. I can vouch for that.
Tips* - when he talks to you alone, bring up the person he is dating periodically in the conversation to let him know you are aware that they are still together. Another tip – don’t be so happy to get a compliment that you don’t care who it comes from. A simple “thank you” without all the cheesing and grinning will suffice. Tip #3 – Don’t get in the middle of existing friendships. If your friend is a special friend to someone, you don’t need to become that special friend’s, friend. It’s not necessary. We sometimes become vulnerable, lonely and needy and before long we are using that off-limits friend to fill those voids that we are experiencing. Now one thing can possibly and most often will, lead to another. By all means, stop that high school girl stuff by passing messages to grown men. You tell him what you want to say yourself. You don’t need a spokesperson or a publicist. All you’re doing is allowing her to know more about his inward thoughts and feelings than you do. He should tell you what he wants to say. Too many times those incidents are purely innocent but emotional affairs are easier to begin than physical affairs. A real friend will last a lot longer than a good time.