Ever find yourself slamming doors and yelling at the kids and wanting to kick the cat? Only to find out that you’re not mad at the kids, the cat or anything else that you can point out – you’re just frustrated!
You do know that I’m kidding about kicking the cat. Right? I don’t own a cat and don’t want a cat, so all of you animal-rights sensitive people can put away your smartphone or pad to write a review about what I said. I love animals too.
What I want to direct your attention to is the topic of ‘misdirected anger.’ When you’re upset or mad about something that you haven’t confronted, more times than not, the anger goes towards something else. The cat is looking at you like, I used my litterbox and been outside…so what is really going on? The drawers are thinking, ‘Go ahead. Break another knob and crack the side. Go ahead!’ The kids just go somewhere far away and start trying to do something that they are hoping will keep them out of earshot of you.
Most of the times people don’t even know what they’re angry at and if they do know, they don’t know how to confront it. If they know how to confront it, they might be fearing the outcome of the confrontation because many of us have learned that confrontation is a negative thing. Let me tell you this. You can’t change anything you’re not willing to confront—you just have to learn how to confront the issue(s). I’m not saying just because you know how to confront an issue that it will be an instant conquer, but I am saying it will work out for the good.
When I think back on some years ago…oh my word! I can’t stand myself! In fact, that was probably the problem. I didn’t like some part of me, but changing me (I thought) wouldn’t change the things around me. I didn’t like my financial situation. Couldn’t understand why I was where I was financially but the money coming into the home didn’t match what was left over at the end of the month. I paid my tithe, I did what was right by God with my money (so I thought), but it wasn’t working. I’m not a financial advisor, but I do know the mathematical equations from the promises. That is, give and it shall be given back to you – pressed down, shaken together and running over. It also promises that you will reap what you sow, so if you’re sowing something that you don’t want to reap – then stop sowing it! The Bible also talks about being on one accord, because a house divided by itself will fall. That was off too.
Before I found the importance of making your bedroom your sanctuary, I now know why I couldn’t get bills off of my mind. Well they were the first thing that I saw neatly stacked on the corner of my dresser, each time I rolled over and faced that way. When I went the bathroom in the middle of the night I saw them there as well. They haunted me and I didn’t even know it. Even the paid bills for the month were there, so it made the stack higher than it actually was, but I didn’t realize it was keeping me emotionally drained thinking about what needed to be done.
To me, there’s nothing more damaging than being passive aggressive or misplacing anger. Things that need to be discussed goes undiscussed and the people who aren’t doing anything wrong gets ripped up over the smallest thing. What ends up happening then, it that we damage the relationships (mother-child, husband-wife, work relationships, etc.) not pinpointing the problem and attacking it.
I remember how I would feel coming home to something that I dreaded taking care of, and instead of ‘womaning up’ and finding out what was really taking me ‘there’ I’d get mad at the whole house. Everybody’s guilty without a trial.
Let me tell you one of the worsts on the list of things that can happen…it’s easy to connect with someone emotionally who isn’t part of your family or household. I’ve seen this happen too much. It’s easy to talk to someone about what is going on wrong in your home, who doesn’t put a paycheck in the bank account and pay bills at your home. If I don’t have to raise the children with someone or take them to the doctor and walk the floors of the hospital or home until they are better…then it’s easy to be the ‘sane ear’ that listens. I’m not knocking relationships that are trustworthy and innocent, but I am saying be careful with that. Be careful with getting emotionally attached to anyone—especially when you have found out how to compartmentalize and conquer your anger.