Your Source of Advice Might Be Sabotaging Your Relationship


Psalm 1:1 state Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. (In the English Thesaurus other words for scornful is mocking and disrespectful. In the Hebrew language, other words for scornful are: dirt, mud or mire.

Relationships are so important, but what’s even more important is where you receive your information. Personally I believe that experience is the best teacher, but it depends on what kind of information you are relying on for experience. Although I can respect wisdom speaking to me, I am still careful as to whom I take counsel from when it comes to my marriage. I’m a supporter of counseling – especially Christian counseling, yet even with that I am still careful as to which counselor I would choose. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do when you get to the point of needing to save your marriage. What I am about to talk about now deals mostly with people getting their information on line, social media and scorned friends and associates.

I remember several months ago (2015), I was going through marital problems and I was at a conference having a conversation with a familiar face which is a success coach, author and runs a seemingly lucrative business. I’ve know

n this person for quite some time, by bumping into her each year for about 7 years or so; so it wasn’t uncomfortable sitting and chatting with her. We started talking about business, life, the conference…you know, just small talk. Actually, she’s a coach and was trying to convince me as to why I should work with her. I was okay with that. She’s reputable, but I make sure whatever coach I choose, they are coaching me in the area that I need coaching. You don’t get a track coach to teach you how to get better in basketball. Sure, there might be some commonality overall, but we wouldn’t get too far because the sports are totally different. Anyway, during this time I was on the “healing stage” of my problems that I was having and we somehow started talking about the “surface level” of what I had been dealing with and I couldn’t believe what she was speaking to me. Notice I say put an emphasis on speaking, because words are powerful and when people speak to you, they are speaking into your life and it is your responsibility to shut it off or receive it. All of a sudden, she started saying what she wouldn’t put up with and how she would be gone and couldn’t trust anyone like my husband, etc. I’m thinking, I’ve known this man for over 35 years and married to him for a month or two short of 26 years and the things that were being spoken of didn’t fit what we were discussing. She took surface information, or should I say one word, which is a word that most people would perk up after hearing, but that is all that she went off of to make a decision as to what I should do with my life. Now I’m a life coach and she’s a life coach and it’s quite normal for a coach to have a coach or two – sometimes more! I understood her opinion and respected it because it was just that – her opinion! I knew then that I needed to shut this conversation down because she changed my entire day. I know I allowed her to, but this was a very touchy situation I was dealing with and I have never been the one to talk my personal life with anyone outside of one person anyway, but I figured we’re talking business and I was telling her why I wasn’t ready to commit to any program at the time, it was okay. If she was someone totally new to me and I didn’t know anything about, I would have left my answer as, “Not right now. I will let you know when.”

Come to find out, she had been married before and things didn’t work out too good for her in that marriage, so…some might say that she was a little scorned from her first marriage. I shouldn’t say that she was scorned, because I don’t know for sure, I’m only going by the conversation that we had. She had a bitter taste about my situation because she compared it to what she was accustomed to knowing the outcome of events such as mine, and she was totally done with the guy she was married to. I’m talking done as in no respect for anymore. She’s married again and feels that the first marriage was a mistake because she’s so happy with this guy. I was truly happy and celebrated with her. I know what it’s like to be happy and fulfilled in a marriage. It’s a great feeling; so I celebrated her joy with her. I don’t knock her for the advice that she gave to me. Probably had I been where I used to be years ago, I probably would have taken her advice to heart or at least allowed it to make me make a decision that I wasn’t ready for or one that I wanted to make.

There’s an advantage of knowing God. There’s an advantage of having a real relationship with him because when you have that relationship, you don’t have to ask someone else what He is saying to you. When you know that He has a plan for your life, you don’t have to wonder are you doing the right thing. Then when you know that God’s grace and mercy is the only reason you are still standing, it will make you give grace to those who need it as well. See, if it wasn’t for God’s grace and His mercy during the times that I needed it, things could have been much different. When wisdom is what you have, you have enough. You have more than enough to be the guide. You have what you need to make sound decisions and put your faith and trust in God and know that you are exceptional when it comes to the rule and the norm. We don’t care what statistics say. When we are REALLY trusting God, nothing is impossible. He will say when to go, when to stay and all of the other ‘when’s’ that we need.

I thank God for learning to rely on Him and Him alone, because it is my faith in Him that I am still standing. I look forward to teaching others on how to make a decision according to God’s word and also I look forward to teaching others how to not only survive in marriage, but to thrive in it.

If any man lacks wisdom, let Him ask God who will give it to him/her.

#lifecoaching #counsel #marriage #Psalms11 #divorce #relationship #relationships

© 2017 by Angel Tucker-Carr

DISCLAIMER AND WARNING: Although some of the team who would be answering questions and giving words of encouragement could possibly be licensed professionals, I (we) do not recommend anything we say to override or substitute for a professional counseling session. 

We are Christian women, so our chats and information would be Biblical based; however, we respect all walks of life and backgrounds. Feel free to just relax and chat. We like to have a good time and share.