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He loves me...he loves me not...he loves me!

He loves me, he loves me not…

I don’t know how many of you ladies played the “he loves me, he loves me not game” when you were little girls. My sisters and me would be taking our long walks, as we often did back in the day, and we would just have fun talking, kicking rocks, or whatever. Growing up in the 70’s in a town of about1300 people, we would walk all over town worry free. As long as we were back before dark we were good.

During our walks, one if not all of us would pick up the nearest flower and start…he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not. The object of the game was to end up on he loves me as you pull your last petal. I was young so I don’t remember if the flowers were dandelions or daffodils. As far as I know, they could have been just glorified weeds. I just know they weren’t roses or carnations. That, I do know. It was too funny because if we saw that we were down to the last five or six petals, our hearts started racing as if that last petal told the truth of whether or not that meant he actually did or did not love us. (Chances are we were talking about someone who really didn’t give a hoot about us in the first place). If no one was looking, sometimes one of us might pull two petals at once just to make sure that last petal landed on, “he loves me!” Remember the game that was played back in the 80’s, when a person got a piece of paper, wrote about 4 names, 4 cars, 4 types of houses, and number on it and somehow we’d make a little strange-looking paper object (cleverly done) that was supposed to predict who were going to marry, how many kids we would have, what type of house we’d live in and oh, what kind of car we’d drive. There might have been different categories that I’m missing, but I remember those. It was so funny! I know; it’s crazy, but it was fun. That’s just the way little girls grow up – fantasizing. We think about love, marriage and family early in life because to us, it was important to love and to be loved. I hope I impelled you to take a trip back down memory lane for a brief moment. Are you thinking? Do you remember the games? I hope if you thought back on some childhood memories it was a pleasant one.

Okay, back to reality. Forgive me for interrupting your smile and pleasant thoughts.

You know ladies, some of us are still playing that game with our lives. He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me! I’m here to tell you that pulling petals is still an inaccurate way of determining if he loves you or not. I know we don’t literally pull petals anymore because we’ve stepped it up to things like, he took me out to dinner; he calls me all of the time; he acts like he loves me; we have sex every chance we get, and so many other lame reasons we can come up with that shows ‘love.’ blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!

All of those things are good and may be true, but don’t assume he feels any way that he hasn’t verbally expressed to you in addition to showing you. Don’t try to be a mind reader and help him make excuses as to why you are playing a guessing game about his feelings. That’s not fair to you! Ladies, guys can do all of those things and more and not love you. He might care deeply for you, but that’s not love. He might be doing those things during his pass time or until his ideal woman comes along. I’m sorry to bust your heart bubble, but I’d rather be the one to do it than for you to let him continue to make a fool out of you and lead you on. Please don’t say that you want it as much as he does. You might, but I’m sure any woman would want a commitment more than a ‘call.’ Then again, you might be “the one” for him, but don’t assume he feels any special way (in love) about you if he does not say it. You can’t build and shouldn’t build a life on ‘ifs.’

If a man can’t say that he loves you then chances are, he doesn’t. Don’t buy into the excuse that he uses when he says, “I don’t tell people that.” He’s right. He doesn’t tell people that he really doesn’t love that he loves them. Thank him for his honesty, which in turn, opened your eyes. Let him know that you appreciate him being real and not lying to you. So many women have been used, abused and had their hearts crushed by men who chose to wine and dine and do things that so many women feel shows them love. If he can’t or won’t tell you that he loves you, keep your heart where it belongs – in your chest and not in his hands because you are and your love is not a game.

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