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Shhh....Why Men Don't Tell (Re-victimization)

This morning I was listening to an interview of actor Corey Feldman, on the Today Show. Corey was being interviewed, and I was sickened by the interview itself. It wasn’t the content of the conversation that angered and sickened me; it was how Mr. Feldman was being treated. The way I interpreted the interview might not be the same way someone else would interpret it for a few reasons. I can name two of those reasons right away. One – Corey’s a man talking about being molested in Hollywood as a boy. (It’s hard to believe a man talking about being molested, because society sees the man talking and not the boy. Crazy thing is, when they talk about what happened to them, it’s normally ‘the boy inside’ telling the story, because the man oftentimes is too much man to tell the story). You do know that you can never be too much of anything to share your pain, but I just had to say that so that readers can see it from that view. Two – maybe you don’t know what it’s like to be molested or raped. I’m sure some people are probably saying why did he wait so long to tell it, or why this or why that? Even as outspoken as I have become, I understand why people don’t share. During the interview, the station showed several clips of videos where I could clearly see that Corey was trying to tell his story, but no one listened. If they listened, they didn’t do anything about it and from the looks of it – it still seems that he is still being overlooked. His pain and embarrassment is still being minimized by the people he is trying to share his story. And we wonder why so much goes on behind closed doors with men in power! People are afraid of not being on the good side of that power.

A few years back, I hosted an event called Why We Don’t Tell, and I covered several that I have learned over

the years that keep the mouths of victims sealed. During the interview that I was listening in on this morning, threw me back to the research that led me to have the event in the first place.

In today’s interview, Corey was sharing with about his experiences as a child, and I was livid about how he was raked over and in my opinion, re-victimized! During an interview that he had to have been invited to give, he found himself arguing and proving that he did nothing wrong. Finally, he stated, “I’m the victim here!” I don’t blame him for getting to that point because I was sitting there with my mouth dropped open, thinking, “Are you freaking kidding me? This man is telling his story about how he was victimized and molested and he is on trial during an interview? Nonsense!! Now…how many more people do you think will come forward and tell their story? Probably not many! Most people would say, “Well, if it’s the truth, a person should come forth anyway.” Bull! It’s not the easiest thing to talk about anyway, and if you have to defend yourself and the persons interviewing you are saying, “Well, if you really want to help other people, then why you don’t tell who did it?” When the perpetrator has money and power, it’s not that simple to come forth and tell anything – and you sure as heck don’t give a name because that could be dangerous. Not only could it be dangerous, but also you take the chance on not being believed and ‘violated’ all over again. Who wants that? I know I sure wouldn’t want it.

Lastly, I wonder would he have gotten the same response had he been female. Nah, I don’t think so either! This has to stop! I applaud Corey for his bravery. I know it takes a hit on masculinity in the eyes of the people, but it shouldn’t. No matter what! A victim is a victim and should be handled with care. We shouldn’t sit back and judge a story – that’s the job of the courts.

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