A 240-pound man who goes to the doctor for a sinus infection would probably be given an antibiotic that is created to fight that particular infection. A woman who goes to the doctor for the same infection, weighing 160 pounds will probably be prescribed the same medication; but the difference is the dosage might differ quite drastically. Another important factor would be the age of the individuals. An elderly individual might be prescribed the mg. of a teen or a child. I’m not a doctor, but I’ve worked in the medical field and I’ve also seen the difference in dosages with my husband and I – and the kids. Plus, sometimes one person might not need as much as the next person because the symptoms can be the same and the diagnosis too, but one person might be worse off than the next person. Same medication, taken the same number of times per day, but a different dosage/mg. You ask what does medication have to do with relationships – it’s the same concept. We cannot expect the same ‘prescription’ for our marriage/relationships as every other couple. You must find the diagnosis and prescription for your own relationship.
I can recall having conversations and enjoying laughs with a guy who is really close to us (my family) telling my husband that he needed to get me in check. I’m thinking, “I didn’t do anything!” LOL. I understand what he meant, because I would tell my husband that I couldn’t be his (that guy’s) wife! My husband and I had an understanding, and he didn’t see anything wrong with me and the way I would act. If you ask the other guy, he might say, “The way I behave.” Hahaha
Seriously, here is what I see is happening on a regular basis: There are so few people that I have had experience with that speaks on an individual basis rather than a whole – a blanket categorization. For example, there’s nothing wrong with the fellas getting together and maybe going to a place such as Boomerjack’s. I don’t like to use the word Sports Bar, because some of them have gotten a bad name because many of those bars have decided to cater to men with half-dressed, naked dressing waitresses; so what used to be a normal sports bar is no longer. To me, Boomerjack’s is quite different, although some of the girls wear shorts, they are wearing t-shirts and not necessarily panties for shorts. And then the world wonders why women are wearing less and less to get money. They see that selling their looks and peeps at their bodies are being used in so many areas of businesses, so why not! Okay, back to Boomerjacks. I mentioned it because it’s a cool place to me, so I will use that restaurant as an example.
It’s not my business to criticize another woman who doesn’t want her husband joining the guys for a guys’ night out. She has more background on her husband that I do – and probably more background than any of his friends. Even if they know more, she cares more. I’m not talking about the outrageously jealous woman who has other issues. I’m talking about the woman who has a legitimate reason for not wanting her husband to go out in a setting of a bar. Her husband might be a recovering alcoholic, and when he has alcohol he does things that jeopardizes their relationship. Some people might say something to the effect that if they have to ‘watch’ a grown man to keep them from cheating or making bad choices they don’t need him. I know, because I used to would say the same thing, but it’s almost in the sense of talking about leaving your cigarettes out around someone who has stopped smoking. Why not just take them with you, or put them away? They should be able to resist (you say), but some of us can’t resist things such as eating, shopping, gossiping, lying, ordering online, etc. Weaknesses are weaknesses – not excuses. When you care about your relationship, and you love someone you will be able to see them through a different lens. When you know the enemy and how he works, you will want to remove traps instead of setting them. While another marriage might not be as secure due to various reasons, it might not be in the best interest of that relationship for a ‘guys’ night out for that particular guy. This goes for a ladies’ night out as well. It’s not gender specific. Trouble comes from both directions – both genders.
I’ve seen couples do things that would never work for my relationship, and I’m sure they say the same thing about mine, and it’s okay. That’s why it’s great to get healthy information from sources that are created with your relationship in mind. Although I’m a Certified Life Coach who specializes in the area of Wife Coaching, I won’t get into all of the different areas of coaching. Remember, this is not a one-size fits all, and I wouldn’t want to take the chance of someone taking something that I say here and running with it without getting all of what I would “prescribe” (if I can use that term) for their relationship. Many of us turn to social media to see how we should be doing things and if it’s okay to do what we do. That’s not the place to get answers from—especially if you’re taking things literal that your ‘friends’ are saying. Anyone can give advice when it’s not their life they are talking about. We can say all day what we would do ‘if’, but the bottom line is, you don’t know what you will do until you’re in the same exact situation – and even then, the results most likely will be different.
I might have shared with you before in another post, so if I have, I apologize for you having to read it again, but this is what I saw that really bothered me. I saw a conversation on social media where women were bashing other women about looking at their husband’s mail and their phone. That’s not your business. I have had women tell me that they have never looked in their husband’s phone, but one day decided to and what they found was the beginning of what could have gone wrong in a major way. The husband had no idea the person felt that way or had ill intentions, but we as women (especially women of God) have something within us that just feel when something isn’t right. Then if you have a spirit of discernment, you really have a second sense about things. So, to tell a woman that she is insecure and have low self-esteem to look at her husband’s phone or e-mail when led to would be ludicrous. That’s what I mean about a one size not fitting all. One women looking into her husband’s phone might cause a war. It shouldn’t if there’s nothing to hide! See how I threw that in there? That wasn’t right; however, there is an indication that something is wrong that a person gets that upset when their spouse looks in their personal belongings. It could be a trigger for them to feel they are not being trusted. The word trigger is important because that is something being wrong. It could be something that reminds them of someone they have been with previously who didn’t trust them, so it’s a sore spot. Again, something that needs to be addressed. Just because we have triggers and reasons to act certain ways doesn’t mean it’s right. We can’t continue to carry our baggage and ask our spouses to move over and make room for it in the closet. Can’t do it! It’s not fair nor is it healthy.
What I am saying in my long-winded way is, it is wonderful and truly necessary to have mentors in areas of your life, but to think that you should have the same as Peggy Sue and Johnny Lee doesn’t make the money or have the same issues as Willie Sam has is a set up for disaster. You and your spouse must set the boundaries for your relationship and that’s it. The best way to set boundaries and to be fair is to be HEALED, and to know that you are setting boundaries that are best for your family. Just because you can’t see why your spouse feels a certain way about their discomfort of you being around certain people doesn’t always mean that there are some hidden agendas. If you married the person and you truly believe they want the best for you and the marriage, then trust your clean heart. A clean heart comes from God and God alone. He is the only one that can put us on the right track in our relationships.
We are more than conquerors in Christ and we have a 100 percent chance of a successful marriage when we go through God.