I know that words are very powerful, so I hesitated about using the word girls in the same title as toys—especially the toys that I am going to be talking about. Really and truly it should have been said, “Women and their toys.” For those of us who know that it’s just a phrase that I am using, thank you. For those who are still sneering up to it…just keep reading. You’ll be glad that you did.
There are so many off-limits topics for Christians, and things that are taboo (according to many Believers), but I am just a little different in the areas of mouth-off topics. I mean, why shouldn’t we talk about the things that we deal with as people in general? Just because you’re a Christian and love the Lord, it doesn’t mean that we don’t want to know what’s right and what’s wrong when it comes to sex topics. Now I’m not about to start telling you what is right and wrong, because I didn’t graduate from that school – in fact, I believe that our guidance comes from a place much deeper than opinions.
I believe that it is very important for sex to be talked about in a respectful, healthy way so that not only our youth can learn about it the right way, but for us older gals too. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about it, it doesn’t mean that it will leave your mind. No! It will stay in there and burn even more until we can get an answer, or that’s where the sneaking comes in and the enemy loves to work in secrecy.
If you’re still wondering what I am talking about, or if you’re saying, “Get to it already Angel!” Okay! Okay! I’m about to.
I used to be a distributor or should I say a consultant for a company that sold adult toys. I’m talking from massage oils, to vibrators with one to 30 speeds (why you need that many speeds I don’t know, but that’s not my business – lol), and creams…you name it. We even sold things like natural-looking male parts that people would buy! I was just fine with being a distributor because I enjoy talking about sex and relationships. I always have (in my adult days). I think it’s very important for a couple to have a healthy sex life, because that’s a huge part of any relationship/marriage. I think I should have been a sex therapist because I study and learn about sex, and other things just come natural; so of course I would be a distributor of anything that would enhance a couple’s sex life and allow me to learn even more! Other reasons I decided to be a consultant is because I know that some women struggle with self-esteem issues when it comes to sex. Whether it is them not liking their bodies, not being able to reach orgasm or just uncomfortable being open during sex. Then you have the men on the other hand who might be dealing with sexual issues such as ED, but you know they don’t want to talk about that! So, if I could fix (remember I’m a fixer) that problem, that could be one less issue a couple would have to deal with in a marriage/relationship. When we have kids we already have to get in where we fit in, so we definitely don’t need the burden of not enjoying it whenever we do get a chance to be intimate with our partners. I also wanted to fix the problem of growing boring with one another—especially after so many years of being marriage – although that shouldn’t be. I mean, really? BUT, it happens! Sometimes it happens because of the different ways that sex is viewed – whether it be the way someone was raised, past issues or experiences or maybe even coming into the knowledge of Christ. Before you go there, let me tell what I mean by coming into the knowledge of Christ. There are times (especially with women), when they become Christians, there are certain convictions that they have (sometimes). Of course, not all women and maybe even some men. I don’t know everybody. I just talk what I know about the experiences I have dealt with. Now!
The Bible clearly defines that the bed in marriage is undefiled, but sometimes people have their own convictions about how far they should go. That’s perfectly normal and actually it’s a good thing, because if you get too ‘undefiled’ there are doors that can be opened that the enemy will find a way to slither in and ruin the beauty of a marriage.
Soooo, what do you mean by that Angel? I’m so glad you asked. What I mean about the enemy slithering in a relationship like a snake is this: If a couple decides to have a threesome, that is unhealthy and it opens doors to other problems in a relationship. Well, you can’t miss what you’ve never had. I don’t like clichés but I do believe that one is true. When you invite another person into your bed, you’re allowing another person to be in your intimate space. You are allowing someone to know personal things about your body and your spouse’s body that shouldn’t be known. I understand that he or she wasn’t a virgin when you got married, and you might be saying that, but that’s different. That was another time. I’m talking about a marriage! When you get married, it’s just that! A union. Doors can be opened that a person might have never thought about before.
I remember reading a book about a couple who invited another woman into their bed and the woman connected with the woman on a level that left her desiring her more than her husband. She began to see the other woman behind her husband’s back – causing a same-sex relationship. That’s why I say that not everything falls under that undefiled category when you break it down. Now that’s my opinion, and what I get out of what I know about the Word of God. You don’t have to be a Christian to have these feelings either. No one wants another person to come in for pleasure and leave with their spouse! I believe it creates an appetite for something that will cause unhappiness and a lack of fulfillment in a relationship. You can’t possibly raise the bar that high without wanting to recreate it at some point in time, unless it was downright awful. Other than that…you just introduced your marriage to lack! When your relationship has the right foundation (and it’s never too late to lay that foundation), it will be healthy and start to thrive.
I did really well as a consultant, but then I stopped because I was busy with other things, but the main thing was, I didn’t want to promote masturbation and selling products to young single women. Hey, it’s not my business what people do, but if I didn’t feel comfortable doing it, then I felt that it was best for me to stop. I hated to quit though because it was fun, but my inner conscience is more important than making a few dollars and having fun. The lingo and how I had to do the presentation in order to sell wasn’t what I wanted to do for every audience….so, I stopped.
I had been thinking about getting back into the consultant position, but I didn’t. Too busy, and not really feeling it wholeheartedly. My husband just goes with the flow for most things that I decide to do, so it was all on me.
A few weeks ago I rented my venue out to a group who wanted to have a small bridal party. Well, guess what it was… Yep! It was an adult products party for the bride. It was the same company that I was a consultant for in the past. I was on the verge of signing up again, the price was right and oh it was so tempting. The planner knew it too! She knew that she had my attention in the pocket! She gave me her information and took mine and texted me a few times telling me about the special and how long it was going to be going on. Finally, I told my husband about it, and he would normally say, “Whatever you want to do” or “Don’t you have enough that you’re doing already?” I still wouldn’t dismiss the idea because the price was nice and I had already entertained the thought, but this time I ‘heard’ him. I heard him say without saying I shouldn’t do it. Whatever it was that made him uncomfortable or whatever didn’t sit well with him made me feel that it was more than him speaking to me – it was spiritual this time. Why? Because he never says anything about what I do—especially when I had already done it before and still had my old kit at home.
Look, I’m going to close with this. You have to do what’s best for you and your marriage. One of the main things that I have to say about women and their toys is this: more than likely you’re thinking about something or someone that takes you to the level that you’re trying to reach when you have your toys.
I mean, why else would you use them if you’re not trying to achieve that heighten pleasure? So, if you’re having to fantasize about someone else, then there you go! You just invited someone else in your bedroom. Oh I know that guys masturbate on a regular (SOME OF THEM), and we tend to think it’s okay. I feel the same way about them. I don’t buy into that “guys gotta have it.” Well, I told you that some of us women have a little guy in us too, so I don’t excuse it. It’s all what you think you have to have. I don’t think they should fantasize and watch porn to hit that level of pleasure either for the same reasons. Guys especially will mentally bring in someone else into the bedroom with their thoughts. It’s no difference. Looking at pornography and other women on adult movies totally distorts the mind of a man towards women. It’s fantasy! It’s not real. They might be doing those things, but it’s a lot of cuts and retakes too! Duh! Even if it was true, they’re not with you boo! If you can stick to the thought of your spouse, then cool! I guess! I still say I would personally stay away from it now, but that’s me. I know how far this little mind of mine can go (and that’s far), so knowing my personal limits…I speak for me.